2020 has aged me. My 30's have aged me. I'm sure I'm not alone in this sentiment. To think that last year was only 6 days ago is nuts and it already feels like eons ago.
Anyways, Happy New Year. 2021, we made it. "Change" has been the theme of my 30's & rightfully so. The last few months of 2020, I got engaged, moved back to the Bay Area, & got married. The momentum of change has not stopped however it has slowed down enough for me to catch my breath and within that time I was able to truly reflect, reset, and reevaluate my decisions and the direction in which I want my life to go. It has allowed me the space to ask myself "Who am I now"? I am no longer born & raised Bay Area Rio, or Las Vegas student nurse Rio, or new RN San Diego Rio; although, I have taken parts of those girls with me. I am, with more intent & focus, trying to rediscover who I am and who I am becoming in this season. I am more than just a nurse, more than just a daughter, sister, friend. Among other things, I am also a wife now. And I thought I knew what that meant but it's a lot harder than it looks, haha. There are no instructions or tutorials on how to do this dance I've learned. As you perfect one sequence, a new step is added & you continue to learn, make a fool of yourself, and practice until you have to learn another step.
We left San Diego in hopes for better opportunities to help us save up for our dream wedding and our first home together rent free, sort of. I had an idea of what I would be walking into moving back to the Bay, back into my childhood home, and lastly back in with my mom. With all the hoopla of moving and planning, my ambitions of becoming a blogger were put on hold. Also, I was battling myself on how much of myself I wanted to share. How successful did I want this venture to be? I still don't know the answer to that but here I am sharing.
So who am I? I still don't have an exact answer but whoever it is that I am to become there is one thing I am certain of, I am stronger. I am focused. I am braver. I remember meeting a Filipino spiritual healer years ago. He looked at me, read my palms, and told me that I was "matapang". Matapang is a tagalog word which means "brave" in English. However, there can be a negative connotation to that word depending on how it's used. But for spiritual enlightenment, I will use the former. During the most trying year of everyone's life, I remember having a death grip on my faith, clinging for dear life for God's grace and still feeling so disconnected. In the recent months, I have re-learned to surrender, to give into faith, to seek comfort within myself, the unknown, and most importantly, God. I've always lied to myself and to others saying "I'm not that religious" but in reality, I am. I am faith driven. Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint. Far from it, actually. But do I believe that God loves me, YES. Do I believe that He provides, yes. I'd be lying if I didn't believe that God didn't get me to where I am today. There is a saying, if He brings you to it, He will get you through it and I've never resonated with anything more strongly than I do now.
So who am I? Allow me to introduce myself.
I am Rio, almost 32, Filipina.I am an Aquarius sun, moon, and Gemini rising. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I am a nurse. I am an enneagram 9. I am the youngest of 3. I am a social butterfly and a loner. I am a homebody and the life of the party. I am a lover of life yet embrace death. I am a daughter of God. I am a fighter, a lover, a romantic. I am a discoverer, adventurer. I am learning, embracing, growing, and healing. I am getting better.
It's nice to meet you, dear reader. As I continue on this venture of self-discovery I hope you join me, learn with me. We have so much to become.
With love & light,
New Rio, who dis?